The Tooth Hurts (Episode III)

The final chapter…

We’re redirected to the appropriate facility, a smaller, similar-looking building in the same complex. I’m whisked through and have an x-ray taken. There’s almost no pre-procedure wait, but a long post-procedure wait. This is perhaps for the best, because the vibe in the x-ray waiting room is considerable less assuring than in the last one. The old pleather waiting sofas have been replaced with wooden and plastic benches, like you might find in a country church or long-distance bus station. There is a TV, but it is off. The walls are concrete, coated with a lifeless pastel in the Socialist tradition. Along the far wall, brown streaks traceable to asbestos-laden pipes (?!) upset the critical balance of new and old, clean and unhygenic. Still, it smells and otherwise looks clean. Perhaps due to the absence of ominous electrical sounds, the atmosphere is calmer and more social. People are stretched out napping, others caught up in boisterous conversation. There are more children. Many are chunky little emperors, and I realize that fat Chinese boys are actually mini middle aged men - proportionally the same, with the same protruding belly, same slow, duck-like waddle. These thoughts are stupid but distracting; gradually my paranoia dissipates and I start to enjoy the wait.

At least for a while. In the end, the x-ray takes an hour to arrive. This is not really a big deal, since I still have two more hours to wait til the doctor will see me. Xiao Mi has to go meet someone for lunch, so I’m left to my own devices - those devices being specifically my ipod, mobile phone, and notebook. I spend the next hours in a media cocoon of my own creation. I have almost no memory of this time.

Eventually the hour strikes and I’m ushered into the main the room and the procedure gets under way. I am a spectacle, surrounded by at least 6 student observers, maybe more I can’t really count. I’m used to unwanted attention here, but this time is particular. Like some kind of rude form of immersion therapy intended to blast out deep-seated feelings of self-consciousness. I am a patient, I feel like an experiment. I think pictures are taken at some point. I have to close my eyes to keep from getting short of breath. From outside it must look comical.

The head dentist carries on competently, providing a running commentary with a smoothness that suggests a possible future in reality TV. The pain in minimal, it’s mostly just boring. I try to space out. I remember a story a colleague told me about how he liked (female) dentists, because it touched a masochistic impulse that he generally left alone. “Being strapped down, totally vulnerable…” I don’t relate. I’d rather not be aroused now anyway. It’s impossible to tell how much progress has been made, how much is left to go. I wonder if I’ll be put on some demoralizing soft food regimen after this is all over. The worst thing about dentistry is the sound ultimately. Maybe not, maybe the horrible sound is just a smokescreen to get you to focus your attention on an unrelated sense while your mouth is being assaulted. I wonder if the high rate of suicide amongst dentists in the West carries over to China too. That one nurse is a bit of alright isn’t she. Are dentists attracted to teeth in the way gym instructors are to bodies? If so, where does that leave me? This is obviously not a flattering angle anyway. It’s not really fair with 2/3 of her face covered up and me with my mouth gaping and nostrils flared…

And then it is over. The crowd disperses and I am greeted with a big smile that says SUCCESS. Vigorous thumbs up all around. A few more minutes of rinsing and mirror gazing and confirming I could chew properly and I am free. I’m reunited with Xiao Mi and settle the bill - 4 RMB for rash initial consultation; 7 RMB for cool-headed reevaluation; 15 RMB for x-ray; 200 RMB for main event and related services. Nice price, can’t imagine what that would cost me back home. Down the stairs and out the gate. 16:57.

Diggdel.icio.usFacebookRedditStumbleUponTechnorati

Popularity: 3% [?]